It's a Wonderful Life
by Holz9364
Summary: Severus wishes he'd never existed and a few old friends show him the world without him... SS/HG.


_It's a Wonderful Life_

_**A/N - Okay so first of all, the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" is freaking amazing! But it's also a Christmas movie and it's only June xD  
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_**This is basically a Harry Potter adaptation of the classic film, starring my favourite Harry Potter character Severus Snape! It's angsty at times and fluffy at others cause those of you who read "Into the Past" know that's how I write!**_

_**Oh and this is set after Deathly Hallows with a few changes, Severus didn't die (obviously!) and neither did Remus or Tonks. But imagine everything else went down the same way =)**_

_**Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoy!**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!**_

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><p>It had been 234 days since the final battle. Since Voldemort had been slain by Harry Potter.<p>

It had been 234 days since Remus Lupin had found me in the shrieking shack, practically dead.

It had been 230 days since I'd woken up in St. Mungos with the werewolf and his family by my bed.

It had been 229 days since I'd been told my life would never be the same. Since the Nurse had said the toxic snake bite had left me with fluids in my blood that shouldn't be there. 239 days of a daily blood transfusion that had to be administered by someone other than myself.

It had been 223 days since I'd been discharged from St. Mungo's on the condition that I stay with someone to look after me, since I had no one Lupin and his young Wife had taken me in, much to my distaste.

It had been 220 days since I first read the daily prophet. Since I read all about the stories being revealed, the true stories that had been kept hidden so well.

It had been 211 days since I'd recovered enough to be able to walk alone and had taken what I hoped to be a peaceful walk around a lake nearly Lupin's property.

It had been 210 days since that walk had caused me to be exposed to reporters and the story had been published, 'Severus Snape: A Great Wizarding Hero.' Bullshit.

It had been 203 days since I'd been invited to a small dinner at Grimmauld place which I'd attended because darned Lupin had told me I had too after everything the War survivors and I had gone through together. They had all called me a Hero and gazed at me as if I was some kind of amazing person. Only one person who caught my eye across the room seemed to understand how I truly felt.

It had been 182 days since I was finally well enough to leave the Lupin household and return to my solitude of loneliness, my small country cottage that not many people knew about. Of course I still needed someone to give me my blood transfusions and somehow that person winded up being the aspiring Medi-Witch Hermione bloody Granger.

It had been 160 days since I'd 'taken a turn' as Granger put it. Since I'd come out of my shell and started to talk to her, tell her things, she was intelligent and I felt we had interesting conversations.

It had been 136 days since I'd gone out on a 'date' with Granger. A date that was ambushed by the press, forcing us both to stay in our houses for two weeks as they clamoured on our doorsteps like vultures flying around a decaying corpse.

It had been 134 days since the War had been 100 days ago. It was a good day for the press, covering the story all over again, hovering outside my cottage, even with a fidelius charm they had somehow found out I lived there.

It had been 100 days since I'd taken a turn for the worse again. I started holing myself up and feeling guilty for all the people I'd ever killed, all the families I had torn up and all the lives I'd ruined forever. Granger came by everyday to administer the transfusion, but I didn't let her in, I managed with difficulty to do it for myself.

It had been 81 days since I'd forgotten my blood transfusion on purpose, I'd intended to die for all the pain and suffering I'd caused. I started to shake and shiver and I could feel the life being pulled away from me, I hadn't been scared, I had been ready to go but then that infuriating know it all had stormed in and given me the damned blood, effectively saving the life I'd been attempting to take.

It had been 63 days since I'd tried again, not with the blood transfusion this time but with a potion that would put me to sleep and then slowly start to shut my body down. I took it and lay in bed, as I felt myself drift I saw Lily smile at me, she laughed and beckoned with me to follow her and in my dream the younger me hurried after her.

It had been 49 days since I'd woken up. That blasted woman had found me again and given me the counter-potion! She insisted on saving my life when it was clear that I didn't want it to be saved! When I awoke in St. Mungos she was there, glaring at me.

It had been 31 days since she'd moved in with me, claiming she had to keep an eye on me since I kept "being a bloody idiot!". She slept in the spare room and had set up all kinds of charms to know if I so much as got up for a glass of bloody water.

It had been 19 days since I'd woken up feeling hungry and had gone to the kitchen to make a sandwich, she'd come running in wearing only a silk nightdress as I cut my sandwich in half, "Don't try anything with that knife!" She'd shrieked as I raised an eyebrow at her, inevitably I was too suicidal to make sandwiches now.

It had been 8 days since she'd had to go on a business trip and had to take me with her, she was researching some new medical discovery, she said I'd be helpful because it involved potions but I knew she only brought me along so I wouldn't try to kill myself, and not for the first time I wondered why she even cared.

It had been 2 days since I'd run away on her little trip to Cardiff, I'd found this lake and had sat down to think, but I'd heard a cry and saw a trapped mermaid. Naturally I freed it by levitating the boulder it was trapped under. I had healed the mermaid's tail and it had pulled me under the water. "You can only understand my words if we are both underwater." It explained, "You saved my life so now I owe you a wish, what do you wish for?" I'd opened my mouth and was surprised when words came out, "I wish I'd never existed." The mermaid nodded, "As you wish." It said simply and then it vanished. I had bobbed up for air and saw a glaring Hermione, "For Christ's sake Severus! Would you please stop trying to kill yourself?" She exploded, practically dragging me away from the lake. Obviously the wish hadn't worked.

It had been one day since I'd woken up to nothingness, not the warm bed I'd fallen asleep in, instead the world was empty of people and there was no wind, no heat, no cold, no air, no rain, nothing and everything was white and clean.

And now, here I stand, before me an army of dead people and I realise that somehow, I must be dead too. Maybe Granger eventually had enough and finished me off.

Leading the army of the dead (although they looked as they had whilst living) was Albus Dumbledore. He stepped forward and looked at me with such disapproval I felt my insides squirm with guilt.

"Severus, you have been foolish." Dumbledore said to me, but that of course wasn't news to me.

From behind him Lily stepped forward and my breath caught in my throat, as beautiful as ever, as lovely, as charming, as endearing, but she wasn't smiling like in my dream, she was glaring at me and looking a lot like Granger, "You idiot Severus! Do you realise what you've just done?"

"Uh…" I trailed off, what had I done? Surely without me the world would be a better place…

"No!" Lily exclaimed as if she could hear my thoughts, "It's not at all, it's not even recognisable anymore, you've changed everything Severus!"

I cursed under my breath, I hadn't really thought about the long-term effects, damn!

"We're here for a reason Severus." Another voice said and I frowned as I looked toward it, the voice belonged to my old friend Bellatrix Lestrange who had fallen in the War.

Several of the others in the group glared at her, people that I couldn't fathom to be here to 'save my soul', the freaking Marauders.

Bellatrix continued, "I died after living a horrible life, I caused so much more pain and suffering than you, but you redeemed yourself, I did not." She seemed remorseful which surprised me, this woman seemed more like the girl I'd befriended in my days at Hogwarts as a teen.

"You know that Voldemort changed all of us, but you were one of the few who managed to rise above him, you did what you had too for the greater good." Hearing Bellatrix use a phrase of Dumbledore's made me a little uneasy but it was only a temporary feeling.

"Don't you see why we're here Severus." Lily said, continuing on from Bellatrix, "We are your last chance. You don't have to do this, you can go back to your life."

I shook my head, I didn't want to go back to the half-life I was forced to live, I was too sure that I was right, the future would be better without me.

"Still as stubborn as ever." Sirius Black teased and my eyes flashed as I glared at him, "And as cowardly." James added, I felt the anger grow inside me, Sirius smirked, "Always taking the easy way out."

"I'm not a coward!" I yelled, the anger bursting out of me.

"I think we need to show him." Said Dumbledore and I looked at the old man in confusion, "Show me what?" I asked.

"The world without you Severus." Lily said, and she grabbed my hand, the touch felt so real that for a second I thought my heart would stop and then the next thing I knew I was standing in a compartment on the Hogwarts express.

Lily was sitting there alone and I wondered for a second if it would really change Lily's life if I hadn't been in it. From beside me the 22 year old Lily spoke, "If you hadn't existed I'd have gone to Hogwarts knowing nobody." She said and I watched as a silent scene played out before me. James and Sirius entered the carriage and they all talked.

"I'd have become best friends with James and Sirius in 1st year and fallen in love with James in 4th." Lily continued, the scene was changing through their years of schooling until a kiss in the common room in their 4th year.

"We'd have gotten engaged in 6th year and married straight out of school." Lily finished and I watched the silent engagement and wedding.

The scene dissolved and they were back in the large white room with all the other dead people. I couldn't see why this mattered at all, "So your life would have gone the same way, it just would have happened a little quicker." I said nonchalantly.

James walked over and stood by Lily's side, "It does make a difference." He said and again I had the horrible feeling that all these people could read my thoughts. James continued, "You made Lily who she was, without you Lily wouldn't have been that person, she wouldn't have been as strong as you made her."

I frowned, what did he mean? The only way I'd made her strong was by hurting her, and I suppose we'd studied a lot, and revised and done homework together a lot. Had all that really been important?

Lily smiled, "You made me smart, you interested me in Potions, you helped me cast good spells, if it hadn't been for you my aim would have sucked and I'd have missed that vital shot."

I frowned as another scene played, this time I wasn't in it, it was as if it was projected against the wall behind the dead people and I watched it play out. I remembered the scene, it had happened when Harry Potter had been 2 months old, Lily had gone out to get some food and death eaters had found her in an alley. I had arrived on the scene just in time to kill one of the two. I then saw her cast an amazing killing curse that hit the second death eater, but it played out differently here.

The two death eaters advanced on her and I wasn't there to help out, she cast killing curse after killing curse and each of them missed until eventually one of the death eaters decided he'd had enough games and killed her with the blinding flash of green light.

As the scene faded away I realised, "You'd have died 11 months sooner than you should have." I didn't think she should have died at all, but I was sure that Lily knew what I meant.

James nodded, "And this of course would have had a knock on effect on me." Again a scene played on the makeshift screen.

Voldemort entered the Potter's house exactly as he remembered it and James tried to stop him, but Voldemort killed him. He then continued up the stairs to where Sirius shielded Harry and was killed, Voldemort attempted to kill Harry and failed, disappearing.

Sirius walked forward, "I die 14 years before I'm supposed too if you never existed." He said, and it was obvious he was pissed about that fact, "Pettigrew then can't blame anything on me so he runs away, leaving a finger and no one knows how it happened, and it becomes one of the greatest mysteries."

My head hurt as I tried to imagine what knock on effect this had on the future, I didn't realise one person could change everything so much.

Dumbledore spoke up and I realised he was still there, for a moment I'd forgotten, "Harry still gets taken by Hagrid to his Aunt and Uncle's where he stays until he comes to Hogwarts."

"But I'm not there…" I realised and I swore again under my breath. Dumbledore nodded, "Harry is sorted into Gryffindor and battles a fully grown mountain troll and survives, that doesn't change, and his broomstick is then cursed.

I let out a small gasp, "But I wasn't there to cast the counter-jinx."

"That's right, you weren't." Lily says with a sharp glare, I felt guiltier than ever, how could I have been so damned stupid?

"Luckily I notice what's going on and save Harry." Dumbledore said, but there was a grave look in his eyes, "Harry and his friends find the trapdoor and go down it, and I'm in London when it all happens, as happened in the real story. Harry gets to Quirrell and defeats him with love, then he leaves for the summer."

Sirius took over, "The house elf visits him and he has to fly to Hogwarts, the only difference is you aren't there to threaten to expel him *a cold glare* so the year starts as it would have done."

"His 2nd year doesn't turn out to be much different." Dumbledore admits, "Because you didn't really know what was going on that year, none of us did."

"In his third year however things are very different." Sirius said, "Because I'm dead." Another glare was directed at me.

"Harry blew up his Aunt and the Ministry tracked him down, but he didn't get more than a slap on the hand because he was the boy who lived. He actually had a normal school year with no escaped convict Godfather on the room." Dumbledore said, again I felt he seemed a little disappointed that Potters year had been ordinary.

"As for 4th year." James said, "You didn't have anything to do with that so he still ended up going through the tournament and being in that graveyard with Voldemort, he came back to life fully using Harry's blood and the War had begun."

I was so confused, things didn't seem to be much different, Potter would still win and everyone would be happy, what was the big bloody deal here? I was really tiring of this.

"5th year." Lily chirped, "Umbridge, the Ministry turning everyone against him, the DA starting up and being found out. Generally a pretty crappy year for my son, but with Sirius dead he wasn't lured to the ministry and there was no fight."

"But that's a good thing." I said, I'd done more good than harm, I was really more confused than ever now. The little group ignored my comment.

Bellatrix who hadn't spoken for a while said, "Without you Voldemort had no spy, and without a spy the events of Harry's 6th year couldn't have happened as they did. Draco was forced to kill Dumbledore but without you he had to go through with it, and after doing it he killed himself."

I let out a shuddering breath, my Godson, dead, and all because of my selfishness. I had to admit it was all starting to hit home now how bad this was becoming.

"With Dumbledore dead Harry began his quest to capture all the Horcruxes but without you he wouldn't have gotten the sword. It wouldn't have made an awful lot of difference, they just wouldn't have been able to destroy the Horcruxes until they got the last one at Hogwarts and had the venom." Bellatrix said in a gentle voice, she even sounded like a difference person to me.

"But if you hadn't been bitten by Nagini and given those memories to Harry he wouldn't have figured out that he had to willingly die in order to be able to come back. Voldemort and he would have duelled and Harry would have fought back but ultimately he would have lost." Dumbledore said finally.

"Voldemort would win?" I asked in astonishment, I thought Harry Potter had always been destined to save the Wizarding world but I didn't realise that I had played a large part in the story.

"Indeed he would." Dumbledore said.

Lily sighed, "He'd take over the world, both muggle and wizarding and declare himself leader of it all, he would massacre thousands of people, including the muggle-born girl you're so fond of."

My eyes snapped up at that and I saw Lily's soft smile in place for the first time, "You care for her Severus, and she for you. You need to go back to her."

I knew in my heart Lily was right, I'd noticed these…feelings for Hermione Granger when we'd gone out on that disastrous date but I'd been scared to act on it because there was such a large age gap and we were very different.

"So, you see now that the world has needed you and still does need you?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes piercing into mine. I nodded and I knew he would be able to tell if I was lying so it was a good thing that I wasn't, "I want that last chance."

Lily beamed at me, "Good luck Severus." I heard her say, and the last thing I saw was Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes before everything went blank.

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><p>When I opened my eyes I didn't feel groggy or odd, I felt better than ever, I felt rejuvenated and blissful, I felt like a whole new person.<p>

I heard a familiar voice and smiled to myself as I listened to it.

"Oh I swear to God, the next time I find him in a life or death situation I'll kill the pain in the ass myself!" There was a pause and then Hermione giggled, "I know, alright Gin, I'll see you soon, yes I'll be at the dress fitting on Monday, you can count on it!"

She had obviously had a floo call with Ginny. I opened my eyes as she walked through the door and I grinned, I jumped up from the bed and walked towards her, she hadn't said a word but she watched me cautiously.

I remembered Lily's words and without really thinking it through I leant down and kissed Hermione Granger (the thought even sounds weird in my head, trust me.)

What was surprising was that she kissed me back, she moved closer to me, standing on her tiptoes as her arms encircled my neck and she deepened the kiss, she even let out a soft sigh against my lips and for a moment I forgot to breath.

The kiss didn't seem to last long enough, it was over too soon, but I smiled at Hermione's flushed cheeks, "Um…what was that?" She asked, a little embarrassed.

I pulled her down to sit next to me on the bed and told her all about my little adventure with my bunch of dead buddies. Hermione nodded and raised eyebrows at all the right moments and when I'd finally finished with the story she just smiled.

"Severus, there's a film we need to watch." Hermione said with a laugh.

"A muggle film?" I asked with distaste, Hermione just smiled, "Yep."

"Why?" I asked, reeling at her strange behaviour and the fact she didn't seem to think I'd had a nervous breakdown.

"Because I'll think you'll like it." Hermione said, that strange smile still on her lips, "It's about a guy who is going to commit suicide and is shown what life would be like without him in it, it's called 'It's a Wonderful Life', it sounds like it will be right up your street."

I raised an eyebrow at her, aware she was being sarcastic but she seemed a little serious too behind it, "Are you mocking me? Do you not believe me?"

Hermione looked at me, and in her eyes I could see she was sincere, "I'm mocking you a tiny bit." She admitted, her eyes sparkled as she continued, "But I do believe you, I wondered when all these near death experiences would change you."

I didn't know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut, Hermione used this as a chance to drag me halfway across the room and this time I let her, "So how about that movie?" She asked, a half smile, half smirk on her face and her eyes once more twinkling mischievously.

I grinned and followed her, maybe I could be a better man, after all without me the world would have gone to pieces, the world needed me and a little part of me hoped that Hermione needed me too and wanted me. So I felt content with myself as I let her spin and apparate us to the cinema she'd gone to as a kid, she was talking about Christmas showings and how the movie _had _to be on since it was Christmas Eve.

I smiled up at the sky, "Thank you Lily." I said so quietly that even Hermione hadn't heard and I was sure as she dragged me inside the cinema I heard that sweet, soft voice whisper with the chilly winter wind, "Anytime Severus."

**The End!**

**A/N - Happy ending Yay!**

**So what did you think? :D**


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